The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Pizza de Resistance StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. [Answered]. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Marine: Wait, stop. (Hang up. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Of course, he responded. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Want more amazing military jokes? Because the Army needed heroes too. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. 36. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Me: No, I dont. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Read more. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Military jokes! The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. Where are you from? Eat up! I'm impressed! You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Aircraft Engineers 1. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Later, I spoke with Mom. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. 17. 14. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. 1. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Did it work? [Answered]. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. I just put them all together for your amusement. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . How tough? I was very nervous, she said. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. We were a tough group. 1. Me: No. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Air Traffic Control 6. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. A Recruiter Misled You. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. ! When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Rodrigues? More information More like this 1. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Bad altitude. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. 45. If you cant pick it up, paint it. 54. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. But yours is.. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? Thats Daddy. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Landings are mandatory. Caller: Is Sgt. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. So I quit ordering it.. R-i-i-ing!) The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. If it doesnt move, pick it up. 4. 10. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. 2. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". This happened several times times throughout the flight. I was very nervous, she said. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! St. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? Decodes 7. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. He thought he would be home about 13:30. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. Do you want to hear about my plane?. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. . A military private saying I learned this in boot camp Anecdotes 1. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. At least SEVEN Cs! While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. What happened Sergeant? The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. What did you do? 3. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Because hes a captain in the Air Force. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? He nodded. Yes, said the lieutenant. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Large mahogany desk.. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. 13:30 comes and goes. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand.