1. the baby is not your fault. Briana DeJesus. Get your hands off my uterus! Heres a thought experiment for you: You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? I dont think a relationship with the other woman will work but at the same time Id run from a man who wants nothing to do with their own child. 17. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. I cant even imagine how a grown man can be deceived into impregnating someone. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill. Typical female (notice I didnt use the word woman, because she isnt grown up enough to be one) wants to control every man and every bank account around her. Steve Kellmeyer Move on already, LW. Ummm hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated. Barely nine months after we said our final goodbye, he was the father of a baby boy. And it wont be you for very long. Painted_lady Both agreed to cut him out entirely, up to and including child support, so that he was free of any obligation. Honestly, why would you want to put yourself in a permanent relationship who a) has encouraged his baby mommy to abort the child for the sake of convenience and 2) who has sex with people he cannot stand? Guy Friday What you would do in her situation is irrelevant. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. If youre going to have sex with someone you are not in a relationship with, be prepared that a *pregnancy* might happen. You have no say whatsoever in this situation. Cookie Notice But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). Another thing that happened in my friends case is that at the same time that they signed things to waive his parental rights, the mother had the child adopted by her fiance and then her fiances name was put on the birth certificate from the get go (though, this was all done behind my friends back and that part was done without his consent, nor was even discussed). Chuck Pelto Youre wondering if he will marry her. Its fucking unfair. The child support goes to support the child. Just a suggestion for your scumbag boyfriend. Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . April 10, 2012, 7:23 pm. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. Men dont have those choices if they dont want the child. I know Im stretching here, but But it is probably fair to say I hate the over-the-top modern feminism you appear to espouse. While I grant you that the lack of control for men once a pregnancy occurs is, in a sense, unfair, I think there is unfairness on both sides of the issue. You may not agree with it, but the laws are such that he is obligated to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, if she decides not to terminate the pregnancy. On the other hand, the intelligent men are just avoiding commitment and having fun at YOUR expense. Francine I dont ever remember being heartbroken about not having a father. Yep. It doesnt matter how nicely you do it. Child support, such as it is, is frequently used as stealth spousal support. That is how we got our first kid. The adoption process has a pretty involved vetting procedure- meaning that birth parents can reasonably assume the child will be cared for by the adoptive parent or parents. Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. If you cant handle the idea that this could happen, then wrap it up, or dont have casual sex. The waiter has no idea that she has a severe allergy to peanuts, so doesnt tell the kitchen to change gloves when preparing her meal. Because otherwise, society would, if you could never work again and started collecting welfare, etc. And to the LW your boyfriend is not the victim in all of this. And its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. I highly doubt thats what shes doing considering shes only known him for two minutes., SweetsAndBeats landygirl He has an obligation to any future sex partner to keep himself clean. P.S. To everyone. And throwing money at her only covers one part of that. I assume from the debate that this has become a fact that was inferred due to the women being on birth control. The states dont advertise this. Their choice, honey. If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. Why? I am pro-choice, for both woman and for men. Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? Part of the reason I feel no one should be forced to be a parent is that those who are forced to be parents often cause the most lasting damage to the children. April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. Or shes against abortion. I honestly dont care if he did or didnt. Overlappers: They start a new relationship before breaking up with you I think hes scum because hes furious with the girl he impregnated. The idea that he owes his life to her now that hes fathered her child is precisely the reason so many people are in unhappy marriages and there is such a high number of marital affairs. A He Won't Leave Her: 5 Harsh Truths 'The Other Woman' Must Face I dont know what he told her within those two minutes but obviously it worked cause now yeah. Only it is the LW who seems intent on absolving the boyfriend from all responsibility saying furious. Read the comments. Sometimes the contribution of a father who doesnt want to be a father is far worse than the lack of father. But the woman needs to be prepared to accept his involvement as strictly financial. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. That wont solve anything. Who deserves to have the two people who were responsible for bringing it into the world both contributing to support it. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. The decision to have sex is not a decision to have a child, but it always carries that risk. I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. Am I being selfish if I tell him not to go to the doctors appts and be in the labor room? Apparently, the belief is that no one should ever have sex unless they intend to have a child with the person and are sure that it is a good idea. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. I mean, seriously. Thats what youre always nattering about. Again, he has not opted out of the childs life. , CatsMeow Is that pretty much it? Seriously, cry me a river you ignorant #**>##!!! Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. And hopefully this childs mother will, too. Or until we decide to start a family., By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. Get over yourself and get over him. Perhaps youd like to refute them instead of going the easy route and calling him a troll simply because he disagrees with you. If he was the kinda guy that decided he wanted to be in his childs life every 5 years when it was convenient and made promises that he never kept and lost interest after a while, that would be seriously damaging to that childs sense of self-worth. Is he supposed to lie and say shes a wonderful person, if she isnt? female He has an obligation to use condoms until he is in a committed relationship to prevent unwanted pregnancy and to prevent HIMSELF from contracting an STD (and thus spreading it around). The sperm is genetically identical to the IVF doctors sperm, and it is the IVF doctor who impregnates the woman, even if he never has sex with her. Might he have continued sleeping with her? Thats taking responsibility for your own choices. Those are very different things. Then, when you decided to get back together he wasnt so sure he wanted to be in a relationship with you. Cant thank you enough for your response! The fact that you are even considering getting back with this guy right now blows my mind. Move on. Like its a big shock that birth control can fail, that people can lie about using birth control, that women get to choose whether they want to keep their children and that he law requires men to financially support their children whether they want them or not. bittergaymark My boyfriend and I lived in different states and after years together, my worst nightmare came true: he cheated on me and ended up having a baby with the other woman. theQuietOne Also, it delights me that you base your assumptions on general human behavior on the Jerry Springer Show. This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. Why he would be furious with anyone other than himself is beyond me. Dolce Got Another Girl Pregnant He Broke My Heart.. I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them.. reader, bright.beautifulK90+, writes (24 November 2010): A April 10, 2012, 7:10 pm. I totally agree with you for reasons you likely already understand. me and my boyfriend dated 3 years ago for a year. female Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. What I see is a huge surge of anger at the guy and all sorts of reflections on what type of person he must be, and relatively little anger towards the woman, whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct. Look, you broke up with him because your relationship had some problems, and because of trust issues, and his inability to commit to you. Would you tell the parents that you would gladly pay for the funeral, but you want nothing else to do with what happened, and that you are going to go live your life like nothing did? A lottery win implies she is loaded and set for life. April 10, 2012, 10:14 pm, if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. Its a two way street guys. Your welcome. Considering the fact that I know far more gay guys having sex (and lots more of it, with more partners, too) than I do straight people and I can honestly say none of my good gay friends have ever magically come down with HIV, yet I can name 8 people who against all odd just happened get themselves or their lovers knocked up Seriously. I think this is a very fair and reasonable response, I wonder if she will think so too. Thus, her meal is tainted with traces of peanuts. And that, fair or not, men do not have the option to compel an abortion or opt out of their financial obligation for any resulting children. Ok, so this dude: Oh, and im missing the misogyny in that child support comment. No matter what happens, if you open a bottle of coca-cola and it explodes, taking off your arm in the process, Coke pays you damages for it. No one knows if adoptive parents end up being fabulous parents. People in healthy relationships say things like despite the circumstances that broke us up, we realized our relationship was worth working past those things by doing xyz Finally, the letter reads as a teenagers temper tantrum.