my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama

I just feel stuck. "It's foolish to think that finding your 'perfect. Advertisement. Omg the rage in me for the last two weeks. He acts like they be bothering him when they ask him something or want to play with him. My boyfriend lied to me about spending the night at his babymama's one night after cheating on me with her before. It may take some time after the divorce for the relationship to normalize.. But he just wont let it stop. And is there a way that you could negotiate with him to meet that need? Image credits Photo by Osarugue Igbinoba on Unsplash. Your email address will not be published. Whatever boundaries you feel comfortable with in terms of being around her you should set. It really depends on a lot of factors. A female friend is also going to the same event and asked if she could spend the night at his place the night before and get a ride with him the next day to the event. Wake up. Being with a man that has a baby is not the best fit for everyone. If he doesn't respond to his ex's calls for help with the kids, he might worry that they aren't okay and that he . I know my text bombing isnt great. It was a pendulum. My husband's ex and their son live an ocean and a continent away, so when it's time for us to get his son for the summer, he flies there to pick him up and flies there again to take him back. And he stays with us so that my son has a feeling that he belongs to a real family. my ex meets my boyfriends, we all have dinner together, because as adults we all recognize that the REAL priority is the health and emotional well being of the child. They are now living together and hes still cheating on her with me. Opening a dialogue may help to uncover the underlying reasons why he avoids spending time with you. They have met him and are happy with the situation. To let him cleanse himself of the divorce guilt. When things are great, he's talking about taking you to weddings or meeting his parents, but then Thursday night comes around and suddenly he doesn't know what he wants . Why He or She Can Be Around Your Kids They have worked everything out: whos having the kids when and she is waiting for her house sale to go through before she moves out. Just because they have a child together doesnt mean that your boyfriend needs to keep any of his possessions at her house. The best way to handle a situation involving a child's life and the mum's is to talk to your man about it. my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama. They have a child together, so there is always going to be a line of communication, but its still unusual for exes to talk daily. According to psychologist Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W: How long it takes to recover from a divorce depends on a number of factors, including how long [they] were together, how good the relationship was and how committed [they] were to [each other], whether the divorce was a surprise to [one spouse] or not, whether [they] have children together, whether [they] are involved in a new relationship,[their] personalities,[their] ages, [their] socio-economic status and on and on.. Related How to set healthy boundaries with an ex even if they have kids together. He's defensive and always want to talk about the money he spends. Whatever the issues are in your relationship, if you find yourself agonizing over questions like. if he wants to do it, he will with or without your blessing if you cant except it then you have to make some hard choices else this issue will start to eat away at you and will become a big issue in your relationship! He didnt draw boundaries with the ex and DEFENDs her. I dont encourage women to stay in relationships that dont work for them. Is he calling his kids mum every day that it makes you uncomfortable? Due to the BS meter that day being too much and I just didnt want to say goodnight. It's also crucial to speak to someone you can truly trust to avoid heeding negative advice. I dont want to feel like runner up and always coming in second to his ex and kids. Your significant other might say youre impatient or you might feel youre being impatient. Menu. Required fields are marked *. Hi Melissa, What or who gave her the right to ask him that. I invited my cousin over and we chilled. Unfortunately this is one of the most frequent complaints we get from our readers, where they feel they aren't a priority for their boyfriend or husband. I wanted to tel the son wit my boyfriend . He will continue sleeping with other women. Preoccupy yourself so that nothing looks awkward. And he ignores me. Talking to him is the first step but try to be patient for him to incorporate these changes. 5 years wasted and now pregnant with a father who takes me for an idiot and his ex wife wear the pants. Setting healthy boundaries between your man and his baby mama, as well as how and when he sees his child, thats how! Dating a Man With a Baby Mama He needs to respect both parties: The man will always be in the middle of this urban battle, but only if he doesn't stand up and be the man that he should be. And Im about to go. The selfish people they are. you get to decide how long you want to wait, whether you should wait for him to finalize his divorce, Step-Dating Report at the Step and Blended Family Institute, hes not available or unwilling to meet your needs, Burned out in Your Relationship? ). And open an open communication. when a man have a kid (s) with his ex (s) they are a package deal.if u want to be with him, u have to be supportive n understanding and don't stress him out cuz he is not giving u enough time.this can lead to fights n eventually a break up. As much as you want to help your boyfriend resolve this, this is something that your boyfriend and his ex-wife need to work out on their own. A few of the signs to look out for that might confirm or help deny this are: If youre seeing any of these signs then its a definite cause for concern and something you need to address with your boyfriend. After all, you have those needs for a reason; you have them because they are important to you. Key points. 50 Cent's girlfriend, Shaniqua Tompkins, gave birth to the ex-couple's only son, Marquise Jackson, in . Whose idea is it for him to stay over? But my cousin told me I shouldnt have given him a second chance. Of course I understand he wants to see his kids on Christmas day, but he is spending the night there Christmas eve because he wants to be there when they wake up. Eve. It really depends on your needs, wants and relationship requirements and whether those needs are being met. My kids still beg me to ask my boyfriend to spend the night. They're both old enough and seem to be in a stable relationship. Ok well he can have her back Im 95% sure this is over. But I was quiet until the father pushed me with not showing his son where the cookies were and ignoring the son when he wanted me to tuck him in. Some of the things you might want to consider setting boundaries around are: Related Why his baby mama doesnt have to win and how to set good boundaries. I said a silent prayer of thanks that I listened to my better angels and said yes to a date with my son. Plus, you dont want to come across as controlling or like a crazy, jealous girlfriend, or that might push him to talk to her in secret which is even worse. And when he came to ask Who does she think she is. The other option is to consider moving on from the relationship, with the mindset that youd rather be single than settle. Thank you for reaching out. Has anyone gone through this? If you press this, you will lose. What would not make it NOT worth it to you? About three-and-half years into a relationship, couples tend to stop going to bed at the same time. Therefore, don't try to struggle with his children or you'll jeopardize your relationship with him. red comet fire extinguisher; Search. How to make your baby daddy feel guilty for leaving, Hes always the one that initiates contact. Your Boyfriend Shouldnt Spend Time Hanging out With His Baby Mama, 4. Is because he didnt want to lie to her. His ex-wife is seeing someone new, but whats more upsetting to your boyfriend is that his son is treating this new guy or calling this new guy his new Daddy, but your boyfriend is his REAL daddy. And youre tired of feeling second in the relationship and concerned that he might not be over his ex-wife. If he doesnt make you feel like hes equal to his son or close enough. This means, try not to leave a mess everywhere you go! He never asked for my opinion, nothing. 1. Yes! i Arguments in favour of mother-only parenting are. So she can use it as collateral. They have a history with them and share a child, and this often brings or makes them hold on to emotions into play. The last thing you want to seem like is a jealous maniac trying to prevent a father from being with his baby. He's going to be around the mother, regardless.. But also better for your relationship, which is what you want and so should he. It's also understandable to a degree as when his ex wife left he needed a lot of support and help. I'm okay with that. You can even talk about things like child support or any other baby-related matter he mostly thinks about. Evidently, you're not his number one priority. A husband-to-be has shared his disbelief after his fiance asked him to spend a night in a hotel with her mother. I say..move on.. they are 'attached' for life because of this child.. there is not much you can do about it anyway this bond is stronger.. IMO. Instead, let the process happen naturally. Did you enjoy this article? 11 Things To Do When Your Boyfriend Talks to His Baby Mama Everyday 1. If you are currently the one to keep in touch with him and make all the moves in terms of seeing each other, let him take responsibility for a change. Clearly the ex is still here. He clearly does not know what it meant to me. Then to see whose in charge and if he prioritizes your needs. She still wants to do family stuff (they have two young kids under 10 years old) together and he obliges - he says "to keep things amicable." My guy is getting divorced. Your boyfriend still has photographs of his ex-girlfriend on his phone and still clings to things that was gifted to him by her when they were in a relationship . If your boyfriend is still communicating daily with the woman who gave birth to his child, it is reasonable to be concerned that he is still associated with her in some manner. My sanity my life . Great thanks. Your email address will not be published. Parents and teens will most likely be very embarrassed approaching the subject, just keep your line of communication open and you won't go far wrong. Reasons why its not healthy for your partner to speak to his baby mama all the time, texting or calling him at all hours of the night, How to set healthy boundaries with an ex even if they have kids together, Roommate Doesnt Want My Boyfriend Coming Over? He will do prison time, because there's no way he'll be able to pay all that child support. He keeps his screen out of your line of vision. "My boyfriend is free to come and go-as long as he doesn't spend the night," Whitney says. Note that itll be wrong to barge in on their discussions or try to monitor everything. This way, you'd avoid bottling things up, but also give your partner space to solve certain problems and incorporate new plans. Therefore, you should always believe he's a responsible man that can do the right thing. If you're not constantly stressing about the situation, youre likely to have a healthy conversation without arguing. 1. Theyll miss each other more and might think about getting back together. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. You get to decide how much time you want to give it. She still wants to do family stuff (they have two young kids under 10 years old) together and he obliges he says to keep things amicable. The negotiations have all been relatively amicable so far, but they are not final. He s VERY affectionate towards me, loves to cuddle, showers me with gifts of love, and has a really good heart! He's always been reluctant to stay the night and used to say it was because my 18-year-old daughter had the room next door. When Your Young Adult Son Wants to Sleep with His Girlfriend in Your House My wife and I talk to our son Scott about every two weeks. She thinks hes just coming over to see his baby, but every time hes here, he cheats on her. I think the only thing that has been compromised is his ability to carry on the lying here that's clouding your relationship, because if he cared he would not stay with his ex out of respect for you. What they talk about is it always just about their child or do they discuss other things too? I have been separated for 6 years, he was just separated since May 2015. Going out with a mummy's boy is proving frustrating for a woman who just wants a normal relationship. He only sees her about once ever month or so. If your boyfriend loves you and Im sure he does then hes going to want to make you happy. cuz u know u have to deal with the drama that his baby mama will cuz. While the true needs of his kids must come first and its his job as a parent to make sure those needs are met, the reality is that a relationship will not last if your needs continue to go unmet, especially the need to have time together as a couple. I also can't believe that any other woman would be okay with this. I felt the same way when I was dating, which is why I created a free guide to help you get clarity. Remember that youre his girlfriend and you have the right to talk to him about these things. You sound like me in that you are trying to trust your bf and assuming everything is kosher but trulyit's not ok. I have mixed emotions and worry that its because he is jealous of the ex Wife having a Boyfriend. This also applies to his baby mama calling him and asking him to do something for her, or your boyfriend thinking about her before you. The problem I have is regarding the weekly evening visits. When I shared my concern with him, he assured me that she is just a friend. (you shouldn't) If someone cares, it should not take the same conversation in plural to get the message across to them before they decide to act on it or not. This young lady gives well-spoken tips and important warnings. The first thing to understand is that seeing a man that has a kid is a choice. Your Boyfriend Doesnt Need to Keep Possessions at Her House, 6. Instead of leading every discussion, try to slow down your pace and hear what your partner is saying. Dear Abby: My boyfriend spends too much time with his daughter and hides it from me EXCLUSIVE: Two legendary California craft breweries are merging Dear Abby: My son got gifts from 124 guests. So, if you are pretty sure you are ending up with him/her, it's a good way to get a picture of how life is going to be. Trust is a vital key to building good relationships. . That means not texting or calling him at all hours of the night, or when she knows hes with you. Whatever you decided just keep your cool and stay open minded. So she has no idea. This is the essence of companionship. I get it !!! Clearly 5 years and 3 living together and I leave and come back didnt prove to him enough that I love Him. He would go there to visit, and when he stayed there over night, I felt uncomfortable with this, but also kept it to myself, as I know how much it meant to him to see his son. I now live in Europe, and he comes to visit about 4 times a year, for a total of 3 months or so. Not without a fight anyway. Dealing with a partner's past can be cumbersome especially when kids are involved. The more you doubt his actions, the more he'll want to keep things away from you. I felt that this was getting wayyy to deep. Yes, hes growing bigger every day. It Made me so emotional. I will let him come to me and be more flexible with my time. To see if he actually likes you take this quick free quiz and we'll let you know if it's worth putting any more time into this guy. Myself I wanted to argue away from the kid initially but he told me In The beginning whatever you can say to me you can say to him. Can you suggest it? 1. If you've made it clear it bothers you an he's made no effort to change then your actions from here on out are completely justified. Welcome! The only need to stay over though would be if she wasn't coming home. No worse. See what he says about why he talks to her so much, what they need to discuss, and how much hes willing to compromise to make you happy. This is a boundary that she needs to set with both of them, and you can remind your boyfriend to speak with her if she steps over the line. But its all in vain. Once youve set some boundaries, its important that you all stick to them. Copyright 2017 - 2022 by LoveDevani.com, What to do When Your Boyfriend Talks to His Baby Mama Everyday (11 Tips), 11 Things To Do When Your Boyfriend Talks to His Baby Mama Everyday, 9. I have asked my boyfriend to compromise with me on this. Ok so she can raise him at her house and we raise him at ours. He and his ex are sleeping together. If I say something as I have it always lead to an argument. He tried to pin like I was a tyrant. If he doesnt know how you feel, and you dont tell him how you feel, you dont give him the opportunity to change his behavior. Talks like these will show your partner how invested you are in the relationship. She Needs to Respect Your Personal Space. Using a child as leverage is always a low blow, but its common in situations where a baby mama wants something from their ex when hes in a new relationship. Unfortunately I am 4 month pregnant. Some people can manage the situation while others can't. I'm Michelle Devani and would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to my site. I hear what youre going through. How far away does she live from him? She doesnt know about me, and we discussed that its easier until the divorce is final. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); My Boyfriend Talks to His Baby Mama Everyday! Get really clear on: What need isnt being met? To stop being jealous, break up. I doubt that Baby Momma is forcing him to stay. I would never ask him to not be a responsible man, I would not want that of my own husband if I had one. Feeling second to his kids and his ex is a common feeling among women who are dating a recently divorced man or a single dad. Is this relationship going to work out? He probably spent all day cleaning and making sure everything was nice and tidy just for you. All Rights Reserved. Both trips, twice a year he's staying at her house for at least a day. And you can do that by letting go of some of your needs (temporarily or indefinitely). I'm not the jealous type and there is nothing I could have done anyway.. so.. allison l (23) 04/05/2014 at 7:50 pm. She Cant Drop His Child Over Whenever She Wants, 9. Cause all my life Ive been burned. Your Boyfriend Doesnt Get to See His Baby Mama without Telling You, 3. And youre totally right. To avoid stirring up baby mama drama, you should know how to handle certain situations wisely. This step would make him more comfortable with you, and hell easily include you in discussions even the ones involving his kid's mum. Im dating a recently divorced that whose divorce is not yet final, in Canada you have to be separated from each other for a year before you can get divorced, in most instances. In other words, if something is bothering you in your relationship, its your responsibility to make your needs known AND manage your own expectations given the situation. I wanted to have a normal relationshipthe kind where I could spend time with him and his kids, or call him while hes visiting his mom without him having to let my call go to voicemail. Understand that being straightforward can help you get to the bottom of things much faster. Roommate Boyfriend Etiquette Explained: 10 Tips! Do you?? When you get clear on what could be happening in your relationship (what needs arent being met) thats causing you to feel like youre second, its important to communicate your concerns. my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama. Supporting and understanding him is highly critical, even though you're not comfortable. It's one thing to ask your partner about his kid's mom, while it's another thing to express whats bothering you. Because I would remark oh yea I know this attitude. Played with him. The difficult part about letting go of some of your needs is that you might always feel like something is missing or a certain degree of dissatisfaction. In order for him to honor his boundaries, he first needs to get really clear on what he wants (what are his boundaries) and overcome any fear or guilt that are inhibiting healthy relationships. If your guy is talking to his baby mama every day it tells me one of three things: Whatever the reason, its not right that he talks to her so often now that hes in a relationship with you. Your email address will not be published. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Therefore, after speaking to your partner about his persistent chats with his kids mother, be patient for him to adjust. If your boyfriend suddenly won't show you affection when the three of you are together, there probably is a problem. For example, if he always leaves the room to talk to his kids mum, you should bring this up. This is a tough one to answer as it depends on a number of factors. I was healing from a previous long term relationship when we met, but was feeling happy. I can accept a quick message to let him know that his child had a good day or for him to send a good night message. Some men can be very guarded and closed when it comes to expressing how they feel - it can almost feel like they are pulling away from you and leaves you wondering whether he's actually into you. She should respect the fact that hes moved on and is in a new relationship, and refrain from talking about their past together in front of you. Just run away. I even asked him I dont care if he figured something out, it was our business and not hers. (Heres What To Do), Roommate Is Always in Living Room (How To Resolve This), Roommate Brings Unwanted Guests Home! And I feel that its time to exit. The best thing you can do is have an open and honest conversation with him about how its making you feel when hes always talking to her. For the mothers, letting the child spend the night with his or her father.